Introduction Letter
To: af_somrita.ganchoudhuri@singaporetech.edu.sg
From: 2002050@sit.singaporetech.edu.sg
Subject: Introduction Letter.
Dear Professor Somrita Ganchoudhuri,
My name
is WenYong, I am writing in to introduce myself to you. After graduating from Institute of Technical Education(ITE) in Nitec in Laser & Tooling Technology, I went on to Singapore
Polytechnic to pursue Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. During my internship,
I was attached to PEC Ltd on Bukom Island as a project engineer. Having
experience first-hand the roles and responsibility of a project engineer, this
sparks my interest Civil Engineering field. Hence, I decided to pursue a degree
in Civil Engineering in SIT.
I believe
my strength in communication would be active listening. Being a good listener
involves paying close attention to what the person is saying, asking questions
and clarifying when in doubt and rephrasing it to ensure understanding. This
strength is of importance especially in civil engineering industry where
understanding the requirements of the clients affects greatly on the project.
For example, during my internship at PEC Ltd I studied project statements and
briefs and was required to held meetings with all the sub-contractors to
discuss with them the equipment and manpower needed for the project. Being an active
listener, I was able to understand the problems face by the sub-contractors and
hence I was able to successfully plan everything.
My
weakness in communications is that I tend to speak very fast during
presentations or when I am nervous. Like during presentation, I would tend to
speak very fast until my friends would signal me to slow down.
My goals
for this Module are to work on my presentation pace mainly on the speed of my
speech and to be confidant when speaking/presenting in front of large group of
people. I believe that with the help of this module I will be able to achieve
my goals.
Your Sincerely,
Wen Yong.
Hi Wenyong,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! You are indeed very courageous to pursue your interest.
I love how structured your letter is and the use of appropriate topic sentences make it easy for us readers to follow your ideas easily.
I admire the hard work you put in throughout your education life, and I am extremely impress in your achievements.
I like the details that you shared in your post, especially in the paragraph where you describe your strength. I felt that it was well written and examples were given to give some body into your message. However, in the paragraph about your weaknesses, "like during presentation" seems a little off. It would be better if it is rephrased, some suggestions includes, " When it comes to presenting in front of a crowd, I tend to speak......"
I have always appreciated your desire to extend your learning curve by exploring several possible outcomes, and may we work together again in the upcoming time. Best of luck and take care!
Catalina
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Wen,
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this letter. You meet the various requirements of the assignment and add examples to provide context. It is always good to have a good listener in the class. It looks like I can count on you to remember my important announcements! This letter is very informative and shows your motivation to pursue something that genuinely interests you. What is not clear to me is whether or not you still hold the job. This confusion has occurred due to a mix of verb tenses.
Albeit you did a good job in fulfilling the various requirements, there are few issues to consider regarding language use. Below are my suggestions:
1. My name is WenYong, I am writing in to introduce myself to you. > This is Comma Splice. These are two independent clauses, and you have used comma to join them incorrectly. Learn about Comma Splice. You can refer to the article shared me on LMS regarding use of Comma.
2. Having experience first-hand the roles and responsibility of a project engineer, this sparks my interest Civil Engineering field.> Should this be in present tense? Didn't this happen in the past?
3. Civil Engineering in SIT > Should you use 'in'?
4. asking questions and clarifying when in doubt and rephrasing it to > too many 'and's? rephrasing it - what does 'it' refer to?
5. This strength is of importance especially in civil engineering industry where understanding the requirements of the clients affects greatly on the project. > Can you make it more concise for better understanding?
6. For example, during my internship at PEC Ltd I studied project > Need comma after introductory phrases
7. I was able to understand the problems face by the sub-contractors> There is a mix of verb tenses
8. to successfully plan everything.> 'to plan everything successfully' sounds more formal?
9. for this Module are > Maintain consistency with capitalization.
10. confidant > spelling mistake
Let's work on this. I look forward to seeing how you can polish the letter.
Best wishes,
Somrita
Revised
DeleteSubject: Introduction Letter.
Dear Dr. Somrita Ganchoudhuri,
My name is WenYong and I am writing in to introduce myself to you. After graduating from ITE in Nitec in Laser & Tooling Technology, I went on to Singapore Polytechnic to pursue Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. During my internship, I was attached to PEC Ltd on Bukom Island as a project engineer. Having experienced first-hand the roles and responsibility of a project engineer, this sparks my interest Civil Engineering field. Hence, I decided to pursue a degree in Civil Engineering at SIT.
I believe my strength in communication would be active listening. Being a good listener involves paying close attention to what the person is saying, asking questions, clarifying when in doubt and rephrasing the content to ensure understanding. This strength is of importance especially in civil engineering industry where apprehension of various requirements set by the clients will greatly affect the project itself. During my internship at PEC Ltd, I studied project statements and briefs and was required to held meetings with all the sub-contractors to discuss with them the equipment and manpower needed for the project. Being an active listener, I understood the problems faced by the sub-contractors and hence I was able to plan everything successfully.
My weakness in communications is that I tend to speak very fast during presentations or when I am nervous. During presentation, the pace of my speech would be too fast and my groupmates would signal me to slow down.
My goals for this module are to work on my presentation pace mainly on the speed of my speech and to be confident when speaking/presenting in front of large group of people. I believe that with the help of this module I will be able to achieve my goals.
Your Sincerely,
Wen Yong.
Hi Wen Yong,
DeleteI love reading your content and definitely some intangibles that I can learn from you. Also, I love how simple it is to understand the content and the sincerity out of this letter.
Below are my thoughts and style that i would have written instead:
1. State the full form of abbreviations like SIT and PEC.
2. Punctuation, spacing, fonts, consistency. Examples are your name WenYong or Wen Yong, space between ITE, font of the subject, closing of the letter i think should not have full stop on your name. In my opinion is just for the sake of professionalism.
3. The long statement 'asking questions and clarifying when in doubt and rephrasing it’. I guess prof had pointed out but i would usually not use more than 1 ‘and' in a statement.
4. The paragraph on your weakness, I think can be restructured to sound more formal rather than sounds like you are speaking.
5. I thought it was good to vary the length of the sentence like what we learned on week 1. But I guess you could change the way you write for different paragraph, instead of like just answering to the question. E.g, para 2, 'I believe my strength would be'. Para 3 'My weakness is’.
6. Although the letter is simple and it is sincere, I think for the context of a formal letter, you could explore different vocab to look more pro (in other words just more step and wayang). I personally use google and throw in different words to sound cooler. Over time, I expand my word bank and learn on the way, to split some words at my superiors at time.
7. Lastly, all these are just my opinion and my personal style of writing. I usually put in a little sense of humour as I enjoy doing that. Also, maybe you can try writing on Microsoft Words or grammerly to check for fundamental english mistakes and then read out loud to see if it sound weird. Normally when I finish 1 paragraph, it sounded like a masterpiece but when i go back after finishing paragraph 3, suddenly it felt cringe and wrong.
Hope it helps, looking forward to improve together.
Regards,
Kelvin Heng